I am tired

I am tired of moving around and packing my stuff.

I am tired of being on the road, even though this is what I once wished for.

I am tired of readjusting to weather, to people, to noises and sounds.

I am tired of worrying about tomorrow and things it will bring.

I am tired of caring for others more than I will ever care for me.

I am tired always missing some one, always having distance between loved ones.

I am tired of trying to figure out if I should build a life that others say it`s normal.

I am tired of trying to choose a dream, from all of them.

I am tired of trying to fix myself.

 

I am tired… but now I am home!

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Life is like ice skating!

You know in the winter, when you are bored at home and want to do something fun and hang out with your friend? Sometimes times the best idea is to go ice skating and after go have some boiled wine in some pub and just talk for hours.

Well, it sounds great but ice skating is actually not as easy as it looks like. We`re not going to discuss that now, just to be considered that once you get a hold of it, you`ll remember it forever ( just like riding the bike).

However until you get a hold of it, you will give your friends loads to laugh about 🙂 😀 :D.  Of course you will need to follow some steps, just like any beginner would do. You have to choose the right skates, someone has to show you how to do the first steps, how to move your body and skate correctly and how to be able to stand on the skates, and most important of all how to be safe and take care how you fall.

Once you know this and can stand straight, after a few steps, you realize you can do it and it is not impossible… and then you fall and most probably you will keep on falling several times, in the funniest ways possible. But while your friend laugh at you and have fun, they are all there to help you get up if you need them.
See, I think ice skating is scary because you are afraid of falling and hurting yourself, just like in “real” life.

Everything we do today had to be learned before. Maybe we learned it when we were kids, maybe adolescents or maybe we are beginning it now, thing is that at some point we were beginners. And anything we started (that being piano lessons, riding the bike, cooking or a new business) can be compared to ice skating.

For everything we start doing, we think it`s almost impossible in the beginning. Then we get in the “proper shoes” and we see we can do it, it`s just a matter of exercise, ambition and willingness to actually do it.

After we make the first steps in that business, the first piano lessons or our firs Italian dishes, we make a mistake and fall. And the first fall is not that hard, because your spirit is still enthusiastic about the fact that you are doing it and you started it yourself.

But then you fall again and again and again and you tell yourself: what the hell am I doing here? Ice skating (cooking, biking, piano etc) is not for me, to hell with this shit, I`m gonna have a beer!

Until you argue with yourself and blame you for your stupid idea, your friend finished laughing and are there to pick you up. In that moment you see that you are not alone on the skating rink and definitely not helpless. Then you remember why you went there in the first place, why you did it and how you`ve felt when you started it. And in all these moments you can replace ice skating with your business or new skill or whatever you started doing.

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Life will kick you so many times and will let you fall. And dam sure will have a good laugh about it, in your face.

But just like ice skating, you have to know how to get up and keep doing it until it is perfect, until you master cooking or until you can go on and create a new product for your business.

Nothing in life will just happen, you have to make it work! You have to pick yourself up, stand straight and keep on skating, until you master it. It is all up to you, just a matter of wanting to do it or not, wanting to get up and keep doing it or just want to be down and miserable,  complaining that life and ice skating is hard and you can`t do it. 😛

So get up and keep on trying, cause life is slippery and tricky but you can surely master it!

 

 

 

Live in the “now”!

I have a problem my friends: I worry!

I constantly think of what to do, how to do it, when to do it and where that I sometimes don`t even realize that the day passed without smiling, without saying nice things to someone or without actually enjoying a conversation.
I constantly worry about me, about others about any stupid thing, cause I`m such a “I want to salve the whole world” kind of person. And sometimes it exhausts me and takes the worst out of me, and it is not fair to be tired for such a stupid thing.

Worrying does not help anyone nor does solves any problem / situation. Just makes everything worse.

I am trying to teach myself being more conscious about the present, the surroundings, the  people I am talking to, the actions I am taking now and the nature that exist and makes our lives so beautiful.

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People just think of tomorrow, what is it gonna` bring and where they want to go, to be there professionally, spiritually or physically, whatever their goals for the future are.

And don`t get me wrong, it is great to have goals and to want to reach it, aim higher and grab the opportunities the future holds. But we often forget to live in the present.

Live in the “now“as it is never coming back. Look forward but hang on the “now” as now tomorrow will become yesterday. Live in the “now” as now you are acting for tomorrow. Live in the”now” because in one week you will regret the time spent without enjoying it, without noticing a smile, a leaf or a cloud, without saying hi the a new person or having a conversation with your friends. Live in the “now” because there is no point looking back, you can`t change it anyway. Live in the “now” as in the future you`ll regret these days when you didn`t do anything but blindly work for it. Live in the “now” as the older you will be so unhappy if he will not have any memories of it.

Live in the “now” as you are loved now and not tomorrow, people talk to you now and not in 2 weeks and your cat needs food now, or she won`t be here in the future. 😛 😛

And let me also remind you, in a week you`ll be one more week older than you are now!

So my new mission is to try to be more aware of the now and stop thinking about what I will do tomorrow. I`l keep you posted about it.
And my question is:

Why is it so hard being aware of the things  & moments we have, of the ones we create now, and we always think instead of the things we want to have?

Help?

I know, everyone knows this word!

We even use it more as a joke, but everyone knows what it means. Or at least, we think we know what it means…

I have noticed everyone uses this word when it comes to an emergency, a problem, and I mean a deeper or more serious problem. We have a health emergency we`re calling the ambulance, when our phone is stolen we go to the police, when we have an accident we call the rescue teams, etc.

Have you ever wondered why we don`t use this word?

Spelling Game says Help Me   HELP is more than an emergency. Help should be much more than a word we use only after we felt down and can`t get up. HELP is a word we don`t use because we are too proud, we are ignorant and for sure we think we don`t need it because we are OK, we are too vainglorious even with friends or family.

We don`t ask for help as we don`t talk to people about our problems or about what issues we have. We are living in a world where we will update our Facebook status with quotes like feeling frustrated but we refuse to call our best friend to tell him / her all about it. We live in the world where we wear the mask every single day at work, on the street and home, the world where we just want people to see how smart, nice or fit we are, but underneath?
We live in the world where EVERYONE has an opinion and a better point of view than yours, and they will surely know you down with their own arguments for their own thoughts, even if they are far from the actual facts or the actual reality of the situation. Due to that you just don`t want people to see you as a weak person, as someone who need help.

`Cause if you need help you are not strong, and if you are not strong you are definitely vulnerable,so therefore not mentally fit or work, job or relationship,  and you know, the ONLY vulnerable people are women, old people and children.

But why are we doing this to ourselves?

The word HELP does not mean you have a serious problem and you can`t find a solution for it alone.

I embraced it, I learned to actually understand it, to actually see the feeling that comes along with it, to use it without fear and preconception and to not feel guilty about it.
I understood that we need help all our lives. We ask God to help us with a wish, we ask our colleagues at work to help us with a photocopy, we ask the salesman in the supermarket to help us with finding something, we ask our sister to help us taking out the trash, we ask the people on the street to help us with a direction, we ask out dentist to help us with our pain, we ask our friends to help us baby sit or we ask a relative to help out with grandma`s cookies recipe.

We are asking for help every day, without using the actual word. Because we are afraid of it. Because it makes us weak and we don`t want to be seen like that. We want to show we are strong, and we can do it on our own, and for sure we can take it alone.

But my dears, we can`t. We just cause loneliness and pain to ourselves, for free.

You are stronger if you know what your weaknesses are, you are stronger if you have fears to overcome, you are stronger if you want to be part of a team, you are stronger if you have friends ready to ask help from, you are stronger if you know what you need to accomplish that goal, you are stronger if you are  not alone!

You nee as much help as you can get, from a friend with a comforting word when needed, from a colleague with a software you don`t know yet, from your lover with a hug, from your mother with a cooking trick, from the pizza delivery guy with an info, from the online store with your package, from the bakery with a tip, from the school with certain book or just from your kids with washing dishes. It doesn`t matter.

The thing that matters is that it is so normal to need and ask for help, however I am amazed that people actually made it so hard and difficult to ask for it.

I know I am struggling to find out who I am and why.
But one thing is for sure, I know it in my heart I am here to HELP! I feel I am here to do my best and help people, any way I can.  My reward: A simple smile, or even better a hug! Makes my day every time!

I am helping people everyday, even without noticing, even without actually obviously intending to. And still I feel like I am not doing enough, like I have to do more to help, everyone,the animals, the people, my friends, my family, my planet!

So the real question is not why we don`t accept we need to use this word, but:

When and how did you last helped out someone, without waiting for anything in return?

A 25 years old girl

I find it funny how kids grow up, how teenagers act so stupidly as grown ups and how old people try their best to be just old.

I find it silly that society tells me i can`t be a kid anymore, I have to me normal, I have to be an adult.
I find it strange that all adults just want to escape, just want to act silly and run away from their complicated “normal” life.
I find it cute that my grandmother is making sex jokes and she is not ashamed, she just tells us some joke exactly at the right time, always full of purpose, but still she is 73, how could she talk about sex?

I find it stupid we are censuring ourselves to what we are supposed to say, because this is good or bad, right or wrong. And all of it because someone says so.

I find it brilliant that the Brits have that funny and complicated accent and all their proper behavior and language, like they are all aristocrats.

I find it amazing how cultural background can influence your thinking, however in the minute the emotions are there, you are ready for the armistice, giving up your own need for the sake of the other one.

I find it awesome how a YouTube video with a baby impressed by is mom`s singing took over the world in less than 11 ours.

I find it empowering when I take to people that made it, that accomplished their goals and are willing to share their story with you.

I find it so nice that cats are the sweetest thing on the internet and so absolutely cool that they are rocking it!

I find it so crazy that we can`t live  without Internet and Facebook nowadays, and all the technology and ALL we want for Christmas is an IPhone 5.

I find it a blessing when people are willing to help you with no expectations even if they just shake your hand and say I am sure you will have a great path in your life and this is what I am offering to you for no other reason than the pleasure of helping or relating to you.

I find it sad that creative and talented people struggle to have a “normal” life and pay bills while all the rest of us dream of being creative and pursuing our own dreams.
I find it hard to pay bills and making huge sacrifices that kill you inside because you choose to love and take care of your people but can`t do it otherwise.

I find it disappointing that we are selling our land for nothing and we are destroying our planet for gas and gold.
I find it painful that we have people with cancer that don`t get treatment because they are not worth enogh for the insurance companies.
I find it heartbreaking that most of us are lonely, tired and sad and Superman does not exit to save the day!
I find it horrible that there are people fighting because of religion, when actually no one cares in what you believe as long as you respect me.
I find it unbelievable we are still judging people by their sexual orientation or by their color, when in fact we are all people no matter what.

313129_10150352435539846_424065755_nI find that having a job that consumes your time and energy that you don`t have but you keep pushing for it, in order to have some objects that you don`t need but like, so you can communicate and be social without even talking to people; is the silliest thing of all that we are doing conscientiously through all our life.

I just find it so heavy that I have to fight everyday for what I want, for what I need, for what I love and for my planet and I have to struggle to ind moments when I am free to enjoy life without feeling guilty about it.

I now found that I am a 25 years OLD young girl.

How do you find yourself at this stage in your life? 🙂

But…

I admit I am not the most positive person ever and I tend to analyze things pretty hard from a “realistic” perspective, BUT every time I feel optimistic about something I always think about the negative side of it o how it will be hard to do it or hard to accomplish it, etc.

How does one stay motivated and finds the power to move on, do new stuff or try a new perspective if that BUT is always there. I suppose “BUT” in my case means I am tired of my work, of the daily activity, o routine and people, I am frustrated, I am exhausted of trying and failing and would just want to go in the mountains all by myself and do nothing all day. Of course, that wouldn`t help and wouldn`t make a difference, but I jut lost my patience and everything just make me tired or mad. I am not sure if that “But” is just an excuse to start doing it or an excuse to keep on being miserable…

And hearing sweet and engaging quotes like you have to go on and try and do your best and get out there and kick ass, just don`t make me go out and start doing stuff. Just makes me go even more crazy, and makes me feel like I am failing without rescue. Every time I hear you have to stand out and you can do it I feel that the world is so demanding and all I have is the power to breath and with just that I cannot even make one step. I guess I do know I can do it and that I have to do it alone, BUT i don`t want to do it alone and fight for it, as I know how hard it is, and it is maybe even harder than getting motivated to do it. Oh, i jut wish I was a kid right now and my Mom would just take care of me, so I wouldn`t have to be responsible.

So how does one get motivated to start something, do or create something in this breakable world?
Where do you find your motivation and what helps you stand up and keep on going?

Do you have a dream?

When you are little everybody asks you what you want to do when you grow up. And each and everyone of us want to be something.  Well, I always changed my mind. I just couldn`t decide what exactly I want to be!

 

Which is kind of hunting me even until this moment. What the heck do you do if you don`t have only one dream, only one thing you want to become or accomplish in your life?

I can`t seem to tie myself of one dream, one wish to accomplish before I die. And i must ask you guys, is it normal or do I have a problem?

As much as I love myself (and trust me, I do, it`s impossible not to love a cutie like me 😛 ) I think I have an issue with this dream thing. Everybody is creating dream boards in their head or as a scrapbook album and it seems so full of hope, desire and ambition. I just don`t know what exactly I want to do for this big and important thing in my life, that if I do it, I can die happy and consider myself a lucky person. And I don`t lack ambition or desire but maybe I don`t use it in the right direction?

I have so many ideas, and so many things I want to do, I can`t decide which is the most important one. And here I have the angel and devil on my shoulders, one telling me it is OK, life will carry me on and see what happens, and the other one is calling me stupid in my face saying I am just lazy and ignorant and I will stay like this all my life because I don`t use my brain and do something. 😛

Oh dear, who should I believe?

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Do we all have do dream big and change the world?

Where is all this coming from and why everybody should or could dream big and work for it and make it happen and etc? When we became all dreamers, saviors, powerful people who can accomplish anything with pure will and determination, who nobody can stop and who can and will do it because : they have a dream!

It just feels like a lot of crap and deception, when you hear everybody with all those positive quote that say you have to work hard for your dream, and you can do it, and if you dream it just wake up and start building it, etc. Of course I am doing it, as all of us are doing it because we do want a better life, but do you have to give all the people the impression that if they can`t do ti they are failures, because my dears, this is the outcome of this overrated ambitious positiveness. People have jobs, children, husbands and wives, families to maintain and loads of problems everyday. I`m not sure all this “dream big, work hard and you`ll do it” thing helps them be happier in life, especially if it makes them think they deserve a lot better and more than they have, and if they don`t accomplish them it is the end of life as you wish it.

Can we just be bakers, and shoe makers and salesman, without dreaming that we will be superstars and have all the money in the world? Can we just leave our lives in peace and being satisfied with what we have, instead of always chasing something almost untouchable? Yes some people accomplished their dreams, that doesn`t mean it will work for all the people on the planet. It doesn`t mean that my grandma, who was a nurse all her life should be sad because she couldn`t be a doctor or that a working parent  should feel depressed because he has to work for his kids instead of being a rock-star.

 

So, should I start creating a board of dreams or something like that, or just let my life go on and see where it takes me. Of course meanwhile I am working hard, I just can`t seem to find only one goal to work for and accomplish it, i want to save the world but  I wouldn`t know who to save first!

Is it the case that everybody has to dream big and try all their life to accomplish it, or we can just live the best of it, enjoy and be happy with what you can do?